I couldn't decide whether to call this post shit storm or crap shoot. Either one works I guess. I know you've all been waiting for this one. I've been talking about my pee so much, I'm sure you've been wondering about the other bodily fluids. Well, you've waited long enough. Long enough for all those laxatives to kick in. Hard.
Brent got the brunt of my farts yesterday, but he was here while they were still almost cute. Like, if you think someone's cute and they have a little gas, it's kind of cute gas. At least, That's my take.
But last night going to bed I opted to skip my sleep aid because my heart rate felt so low, blipping into the 30s. And my stomach was cramping hard from the senna and the miralax and whatever else I've been handed. So around 3am I asked my nurse Travis for some chicken broth, and that seemed to push past the cramped spot and turn into a nice little colon jacuzzi. I had two more cups, and was feeling better.
And then I completely destroyed my pee hat. And later, two pairs of underwear.
Travis is a retired jarhead. He was up for E-9 at the end of his 20 year career in the Marine Corps. He recently got back from an ironman triathlon in Quebec. I have a ton of respect for people like him, and just pains me to have to press my call button and say "hey, Travis, I uh...found a bowl of lentil soup in my underwear. I put it in the trash but, what do I do now?"
It's odd to think that you could be standing at attention for someone in the service, and later be asking them to clean up your bodily fluids.
Next time you get the chance to appreciate a nurse, I recommend you do so vigorously.
Brent got the brunt of my farts yesterday, but he was here while they were still almost cute. Like, if you think someone's cute and they have a little gas, it's kind of cute gas. At least, That's my take.
But last night going to bed I opted to skip my sleep aid because my heart rate felt so low, blipping into the 30s. And my stomach was cramping hard from the senna and the miralax and whatever else I've been handed. So around 3am I asked my nurse Travis for some chicken broth, and that seemed to push past the cramped spot and turn into a nice little colon jacuzzi. I had two more cups, and was feeling better.
And then I completely destroyed my pee hat. And later, two pairs of underwear.
Travis is a retired jarhead. He was up for E-9 at the end of his 20 year career in the Marine Corps. He recently got back from an ironman triathlon in Quebec. I have a ton of respect for people like him, and just pains me to have to press my call button and say "hey, Travis, I uh...found a bowl of lentil soup in my underwear. I put it in the trash but, what do I do now?"
It's odd to think that you could be standing at attention for someone in the service, and later be asking them to clean up your bodily fluids.
Next time you get the chance to appreciate a nurse, I recommend you do so vigorously.
Sounds like my experience with soylent
ReplyDeleteNothing but respect, what a humbling experience? I've been there Sarah, hang in for the ride.
ReplyDeleteFrom Elizabeth J: Poo posts are the best. Keep them coming.
ReplyDeleteyou KNOW I love shit stories. I can also relate to "lentil soup underwear"...c-diff left me with that a number of times...
ReplyDeleteShitting myself in solidarity. I wish I were joking. Hugs, hon.
ReplyDeletehttp://theoatmeal.com/comics/toot
ReplyDelete